Hey John- Thanks for sharing this. I appreciate your honest observation. Particularly this part: "As a foreigner, I will never really be in a tribe." It really is interesting how both welcoming and delineating that approach is. I couldn't speak for Vietnam necessarily since that's not where I grew up. But there are similarities to my home country as well. To the point sometimes where I wonder: Is it wrong to be this 'family-oriented,' which can immediately 'other' those who aren't in that 'family' tribe. I never really noticed it until I moved to the states. I suppose the great insight is perhaps that in both situations, there are pros and cons. Just depends on which one suits our life better? :)
Hi Thalia. Thanks for your comment. If you don't mind sharing, what is your home country?
Yes, there are pros and cons of any culture and I think where/how we grew up makes a big difference in what things would go in each column. Sorry if you took away that I think "family-oriented" is wrong or negative; my intent was to flesh it out as best I could to people like me who grew up in a low-context culture, not to judge it.
I'm starting to flesh out a follow-up to this piece based on an interesting, in-depth conversation I had shortly after publishing. It's about another aspect of the culture here that completely slipped my mind as I wrote this. I hope you're subscribed, because I think you will find it interesting.
You certainly have this figured out. Foreigners are always met with a bit of suspicion. You cannot talk to the family directly, so everything is filtered through your wife. She will paint you however she wishes her family to see you. ...whatever that means. It can be hard to tell how Vietnamese families really feel about the son-in-law until 10 or 20 years pass. ...sometimes at the funeral. ...little good that does you. I have been told as long as the family is not outright hostile toward you, that means they like you.
Thank you for your insight. Every westerner I’ve talked to so far has a similar experience to mine, so I am very happy to hear that the experience is different For Vietnamese sons- and daughters-in-law. I hope that I have just talked to the unfortunate westerners and that many more have the experience you talk about.
Hi John, I sent you an email to your ridingseaasia account but it occurs to me that may no longer be active since you switched. Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and catch up, email me with a good address for you if you want to chat!
The one from two days ago? Got it and replied from my new email about an hour ago. Hope I don't have to wait 15 months again this time for your reply :-D
Hey John- Thanks for sharing this. I appreciate your honest observation. Particularly this part: "As a foreigner, I will never really be in a tribe." It really is interesting how both welcoming and delineating that approach is. I couldn't speak for Vietnam necessarily since that's not where I grew up. But there are similarities to my home country as well. To the point sometimes where I wonder: Is it wrong to be this 'family-oriented,' which can immediately 'other' those who aren't in that 'family' tribe. I never really noticed it until I moved to the states. I suppose the great insight is perhaps that in both situations, there are pros and cons. Just depends on which one suits our life better? :)
Hi Thalia. Thanks for your comment. If you don't mind sharing, what is your home country?
Yes, there are pros and cons of any culture and I think where/how we grew up makes a big difference in what things would go in each column. Sorry if you took away that I think "family-oriented" is wrong or negative; my intent was to flesh it out as best I could to people like me who grew up in a low-context culture, not to judge it.
I'm starting to flesh out a follow-up to this piece based on an interesting, in-depth conversation I had shortly after publishing. It's about another aspect of the culture here that completely slipped my mind as I wrote this. I hope you're subscribed, because I think you will find it interesting.
You certainly have this figured out. Foreigners are always met with a bit of suspicion. You cannot talk to the family directly, so everything is filtered through your wife. She will paint you however she wishes her family to see you. ...whatever that means. It can be hard to tell how Vietnamese families really feel about the son-in-law until 10 or 20 years pass. ...sometimes at the funeral. ...little good that does you. I have been told as long as the family is not outright hostile toward you, that means they like you.
Thanks, Brian. This is my experience also; no outright hostility yet ;-)
I think it's true, it's true that Vietnamese people are very important to family
but there will still be discussion to make the final decision.
Respect your parents, but don't always listen
and children-in-law are still respected as family members.
So sorry for your experience but not all in Vietnam are like that.
Thank you for your insight. Every westerner I’ve talked to so far has a similar experience to mine, so I am very happy to hear that the experience is different For Vietnamese sons- and daughters-in-law. I hope that I have just talked to the unfortunate westerners and that many more have the experience you talk about.
Hi John, I sent you an email to your ridingseaasia account but it occurs to me that may no longer be active since you switched. Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and catch up, email me with a good address for you if you want to chat!
The one from two days ago? Got it and replied from my new email about an hour ago. Hope I don't have to wait 15 months again this time for your reply :-D