13 Things to Know BEFORE you move to or visit Viêt Nam
Things the guide book writers won't tell you
This Substack is about life in Viêt Nam from the viewpoint of a 10-year expat who spent his first 60 years in a low-context culture.
Over the past eight months, I’ve written extensively about what it’s like for this westerner (người tây) to live first in Vietnam, and now Viêt Nam. What follows is a summary of the things I wish I’d known before showing up at the border with nine suitcases carrying all of my worldly possessions except my bank account. They are presented pretty much in the sequence I thought of them, so that may also hint as to my opinion of their importance.
Where there is a link offered, it will either take you to the original post or to additional information on the topic.
I hope this helps.
1. Viêt Nam is a high-context culture.
If English is your first language, you most-likely hold the passport of a country in which the predominant culture is “low-context”. This explains a LOT, once you know what “low- and high-context” means:
For low context cultures, the exact meaning of words is important, in comparison to high context cultures which put the focus not just on what people say, but when, where, and how they say it, and even what they do not say at all. A lot of meaning is implicit, while the social setting and personal impressions play an important role in building trust and understanding. To put it simply, people from high context cultures tend to leave some things unsaid, while people from low context cultures are quite direct and mean what they say as they said it.
Translation: It’s more than a different country and culture, it’s a different fucking planet.
2. Face is more important — and different — than you imagine.
I spent many hours reading “Thể Diện”: The Vietnamese Concept of Face, a ~200 page doctoral thesis, and found it very enlightening.
A few high points:
“The idea of an ‘individual’ striving for his/her own benefits is disturbing to the common Vietnamese mind. Instead, ‘individual’ is expected to create harmony with people and the surrounding environment.” (p.24)
“… consequences of face gain or face loss are not only on the person himself/herself but more importantly, on his/her family and close persons.” (p. 27)
“… one is responsible for the thể diện of other people.” (p. 103)
“… attributes culturally appreciated by the Westerners such as honesty and straightforwardness are likely to be considered immature and ‘without face’.” (p. 29)
“… it is useful for a Westerner to know that often Vietnamese people base their evaluations and decisions on emotion rather than on rational grounds.” (p. 195)
“… the Vietnamese are in line with other Asian Confucian people in the preference of relationship over truth in communication.” (p.31)
“They believed that teachers should never say to their students that they could not answer students’ questions, even if the issues were about another professional area, as it would mean serious loss of thể diện.”(p. 126)
The above seven points only scratch the surface of what I find to be a fascinating topic.
Once I’ve had a chance to review the thesis and my notes again, I will post an article based on the thesis with a more complete picture. I looked for other scholarly papers and information on the specific topic of Vietnamese face, but found nothing.
3. Xin loi means “sorry”, though that often doesn’t mean what you’d think.
You know how people of a certain generation say, “Sorry, not sorry.”?
Here, it’s shortened to “sorry”.
4. Coffee Money
If you get traffic-stopped by the police for speeding or riding/driving erratically, it will usually cost 200,000 VND (US$8) to 1 million VND (US$40) to keep from having your vehicle confiscated and going to court. We call it “coffee money”. I’ve never met anyone who’s actually gone to traffic court.
Note: The traffic laws got a LOT more strict on 1 January 2025, and I haven’t yet found anyone who’s been stopped and paid coffee money. I’m guessing the rates have gone up, though until I have anecdotal evidence, I’ll stick with the previous numbers.
If you have a problem for which you want to go to the police, be unsurprised if they are reluctant to get involved. This could be a hint that some coffee money may help increase their interest. For example, let’s say your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend took money from you without you offering it. IF you can get the police interested, she may be able to return them to disinterested with a higher figure. At which point you can either walk away or ante up again. If you walk away, know that there are no refunds of coffee money (see #12 below). Or anything else in Viêt Nam.
5. The average waitstaff makes ~US$8 for a 12-hour day;
99% of masseuses make only what you tip them.
Most Vietnamese people either live pretty much hand-to-mouth or have little to no disposable income. My guess is that tipping isn’t in the culture because almost no one can afford to. As a guest (without citizenship, you are a guest), you are not a product of the culture, and this is one of the few times I recommend going contrary to the culture — even if tipping is not part of your home country’s culture. The recipient will appreciate it very much.
If you’re in restaurant that hires its waitstaff (non-family), tip 15-20%.
If you take a taxi or Grab or other app ride, tip 15-20%.
If you have food delivered, tip 15-20%.
When you stay in a hotel, leave 50,000VND (US$2) or more on the bed for the maid each day. More if you’re staying in a western-style hotel.
If you get a massage, your masseuse gets none of the fee you pay for the massage. She (usually she) makes only whatever tip you offer. The minimum you should tip is 100%. If it was very good, tip more. The total will still be less than US$30. If you are not offered a “happy ending” and want one, don’t beg. Either you picked the wrong shop or she’s not in the mood. Next time, go to a shop in the tourist district or where the women all wear the same sexy dress. If you are offered a “happy ending” and want one, ask how much BEFORE you say yes. It may be possible to negotiate a bit (minimum 5-800,000 VND) and it includes the tip.1
As I’ve said previously, most Vietnamese people work WAY HARDER than the tourists here or expats ever have, and for a LOT less than you can imagine, including the office workers who “only” work an eight- to 10-hour day, and a six-day week. Family-run, mom-and-pop restaurant owners and their staff work 10 to 12 hours SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, 50 WEEKS A YEAR! The only time most take off is two weeks at Tết (Lunar New Year) when they get to go back to their hometown to spend time with their parents and other relatives.
If you can afford to come to Viêt Nam, you can afford to tip generously. It will increase your 90-minute Grab trip across the length of Saigon, Viêt Nam’s largest city, from ~US$13 to US$16 and literally buy a good meal for your driver. It will also get you a big smile and a sincere “thank you” from them.
If you want to tip someone who refuses more than once — a repair person or a hotel desk clerk who upgrades your room, for example — before you offer a third time, ask if they have children. If yes, tell them “it’s for your children.” If no, tell them it’s for their parents. In each case, they will gladly accept it and thank you.
If you think you can’t afford to tip, then it’s time to go back to your home country and get either a job or some empathy.
The ONLY exception to this that I’ve found in my 10+ years here is in family-run restaurants. If you’re having a bowl of phở in a small storefront with a concrete floor and two or three employees, it’s probably run and staffed by members of the owner’s family. In this case, tipping is generally taken as “I don’t think you charge enough for your product”, which is an insult. If you’re a regular customer, a red “lucky money” envelope at Tết with a new 200k or 500k note inside would be a welcome thank you for a year’s good food. Just make sure it’s in a lucky money envelope.
6. The minimum Vietnamese language ability necessary for comfort
If you’re already a polyglot, you may one day be able to speak Vietnamese so that natives understand what you are saying. Unfortunately, if you have a “western face”, even when you are speaking passable Vietnamese, almost everyone will assume that whatever noise coming out of your pie hole is English and still not understand you.
If you are NOT a polyglot, are over 30, and do not already speak a tonal language, good luck.
It isn’t necessary to speak a lot of Vietnamese to live here and interact with the locals. It helps, but it’s not required. The easiest way to get by is to make friends with a local native who speaks your native tongue pretty well and help you with translation. Unfortunately, this means you’ll lose a good chunk of the authentic Viêt Nam experience. English has the most practitioners, though I’ve met Vietnamese who speak French, German, and Spanish (not all the same people).
Here in Dalat, there hasn’t been an in-person Vietnamese language school since 2016. The owner of the language school where you can learn English, French, or German in Viêt Nam tells me that to be certified to teach the Vietnamese language, the school’s teachers must also be certified to teach the Vietnamese culture. Apparently that’s a difficult certification to obtain.
Below are the basic words that’ll get you through the day:
a. Numbers — Once you know 1 through 10 and 100, the rest is easy. I’ll give you pronunciations for one through 10 as they work for me:
mort
hi
ba
bone
nam
sow
buy-e (slight up at the end)
tam (slight up on the “a”)
cheen
muoy
cham
Eleven through 19 is simply, 10-1, 10-2, 10-3 and so on. It’s the same for the 20’s, 30’s, and up. Twelve is “muoy hi”.
The only exception is 5 is “nam” and 15 is not muoy nam (10-5), but muoy lam. When saying any number ending in “five”, except 5, it’s “first number”-lam. Fifty five is nam muoy lam.
Twenty is hi muoy (2-10) and 25 is hai muoy lam (2-10-5).
Clear as mud, right?Given the above, if three is “baa” and two is hi, what is thirty-two (32)?
Answer: 3-10-2 = ba muoy hi.100 is “cham”. How do you say 243?
Hi cham bone muoy baRemember, I’m helping you to PRONOUNCE the numbers, not write them.
b. Please — I hardly ever hear “please”, but I see it written on signage — xin vui lòng (sin vuey lom) or xin vui (sin vuey).
c. Thank you — “cảm ơn” (cam un). Use it a LOT.
d. Pronouns — are you ready for a mind-f*ck? I refer you to number 7.
When someone tells me a price in English, or shows me the number on a calculator, I smile and say the number back to them in Vietnamese. This usually gets a surprised smile and a head nod of agreement. I do this for a few reasons.
It shows respect for them and their language.
It surprises them in a positive way.
When I return on subsequent visits, usually starting on the third or fourth, they remember me and say the price in Vietnamese.
Sometimes they or an onlooker will smile and say, “Um noiy ting Viet.”2 to which I smile and say, “Chupe chupe.”3 Then we all chuckle.
7. The minefield that is pronouns
I wrote about this back in June 2024 and I still haven’t thought of how to improve it, so I refer you to “You’d Better Know Who’s Who”.
8. To ride or not ride
Yes, “everyone” rides a motorbike, even 8-year-olds on their electrics, but you probably shouldn’t. If you lack extensive riding experience in a congested kamikaze urban environment, please take taxis — moto or car — they’re cheap and safer.
If you’re in Saigon, use the Grab and Xanh SM apps. I prefer the latter. For Saigon taxis, which I now use only when app-rides are unavailable or long wait times, use ONLY Vinasun (usually white cars) or MaiLinh (usually green or red cars). There are a lot of companies that have similar names or signage.
Read the name on the taxi carefully, because many of the others will either take a circuitous route or have a fast meter.
I can’t help you as with recommended taxis in other cities, so use the apps. A few weeks ago we got charged 5x the normal rate by a taxista we flagged down in Hanoi. He had a fast meter and I wasn’t paying attention early enough to get him to drop us off before it was ridiculous.
For those who insist on piloting a motorbike, know that if you don’t have a legal motorbike license, your insurance will probably NOT pay for your injuries when you go down. You should also know that most Western countries’ International Driving Permits (IDP) are NOT legal in Viêt Nam because they signed a different convention.
Please DO NOT fall for this IDP scam. These PsOS are worthless everywhere.
Contrary to what many visitors think, there are traffic laws in Việt Nam. If the police see you doing something really stupid, or if Tết or their wife’s birthday is approaching and so are you, they will stop you and extract “coffee money” (see #4 above) for your infraction.
Most of the time, people follow the riding culture, not the laws. They are significantly different, and if you’re gonna ride, learn the culture. Quickly!
I wrote extensively about this here. The part linked to is at the end of the piece, so if you haven’t read the whole post yet, it’s worth your time to scroll up to the top and enjoy.
9. “Good-bye” is rare
Get used to having phone conversations with natives end without warning when they’ve said their piece. You may be in the middle of a sentence, but they stopped listening when they’d said all they had to say and you’re now talking to yourself.
10. “Please sympathize with me…”
When a Vietnamese person won’t do what you want, or wants you to do something for them that you don’t want to, they will often say,
Please sympathize with me…
This is the Vietnamese version of,
What you want is never going to happen; please stop asking.
11. Door “etiquette”
In Vietnamese culture, knocking on a closed door is uncommon and closing a door behind you in a house not yours is considered rude.
And forget thinking a closed door will give you privacy. Apparently, it’s just there to keep the wind from blowing through. You might get a knock, and if there is one, the interval between that knock and the door opening is less than that honored by a New York City taxi driver after the light turns green and before he starts honking and yelling.
12. No Returns!
Once you pay for something in a store, it’s yours. Even if you change your mind before you walk out the door and the item has never seen sunlight, it’s yours.
Same thing in a restaurant. If you order something and it’s inedible, you don’t have to eat it, but you will pay for it. If you order something to “replace” it, you will pay for that, too. Westerner-owned/operated restaurants are usually willing to work with you, but the Vietnamese are not. When you think about how little most Vietnamese restaurants charge, it’s understandable. If you’re selling a bánh mì (sandwich) for 15,000VND (US 60¢), there’s not a lot of profit margin to pay for mistakes. Most restaurants serve decent food, and I can count on 1-1/2 hands the total number of “I really don’t want to pay for this slop!” meals I’ve had here in 10 years. If I don’t like something, it’s almost always made right and just not to my tastes.
Whatever your reason for wanting a refund or a re-do, just know that once you give up your cash, you’re not getting it back.
Amazon.com wanna be Lazada has a “Change of Mind” return policy for most things, but what’s not disclosed where anyone with a life can find it is that you have to change your mind before you open the item. You can open the outer shipping package, but if they think you tried to open the inner package,
It’s yours!
Bet’cha can’t guess how I know that…
13. If you’re over 5’9” tall, “Sleeper” buses are NOT built for you.
Also, if your doctor is concerned about your BMI, find another way to travel. These buses are inexpensive (US$12 for the seven-hour trip Dalat to Saigon), and great for the locals and broke backpacking foreigners (yes, redundant), but most expats only take them if there’s no other way to get somewhere.
In the last few years, a lot of “VIP Limousine” companies have opened, mostly using large, high-roofed vans with what we used to call “Captain’s Chairs”.
These are MUCH better and at about twice the price of a sleeper bus, a good value, especially on routes where it’s either this or a taxi for ten times the price.
The one think that I find annoying on every Vietnamese bus I’ve ever been on, even the VIP coaches, is that while the seats recline a bit — which is how most Vietnamese position them for the entire trip — I like an upright seat. The seats in the photo immediately above are as upright as they ever get. With a well-placed blanket or inflatable pillow, I can usually get and stay comfortable for maybe four hours. After that, I’m going to be wishing I’d sprung for the airfare, if there are flights. From Dalat, there are currently only direct domestic flights to Saigon, DaNang, Hanoi, and Phu Quoc, though you can connect to other cities on a connecting flight. Fares to Saigon (the closest) can start at 784,000 VND (US$30) and top out at 1,900,000VND (US$74) for coach, so I don’t take buses there anymore.
If you’re traveling between cities/towns that are only an hour or two apart, you may be tempted to take a minivan.
Don’t!
The drivers are CRAZY and think nothing of risking everyone’s life to save 20 seconds driving time. They will also keep picking up more and more passengers until they’re standing in the little trough next to the sliding door and sitting in the aisle. It’s NOT for the faint of heart!
Medicine in Vietnam
One topic I didn’t broach here is Vietnamese medicine, doctors, and “doctors”. These require multiple posts, the first is here, published two weeks after this one. The second is here. Some of the photos show a bit of blood, so they may not be for the queasy among us.
For those who’ve lived here a while, is there something you would add to my lucky 13?
If so, please leave a comment with what you think new arrivals (or those here a while and not paying attention) should know.
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Yes, both the noun and the verb. But you knew that, didn’t you?
Phonetic spelling of “Respected uncle speaks Vietnamese.”
Phonetic spelling of “Very little.”